Welcome back for the second part on Anger. Do you see anger a little differently after reading my last blog? Weather you do or don’t, there are no doubt thoughts about how destructive anger can be. It can be destructive, crippling in fact, and probably why we justify our negative feelings toward it. Anger projected outward can result in violence, hatred, relationships destroyed and ultimately everything that is experienced will have become adulterated by the anger’s energetic vibration. That’s when we see ‘anger management issues’, individuals who are just ‘mad at the world’. These are extremes for sure but in each of us… what really happens with that trapped anger?
We project it and we project it everywhere. We stay angry. Our thoughts and our speech is characterized by, “I will NEVER forget what that person did”, “I can’t stand that person”, “I learned my lesson and I have lost all respect for….”, etc., I am sure you can think of more. Maybe you’re even experiencing it toward someone or something now. And while these thoughts make perfect sense, it robs us of our peace, of our acceptance and robs us of walking out our faith. So what do we do with this anger? Now that we are considering it might be an asset, how do we begin to use it as such?
The very first thing we have to do is allow it. Just allow the feeling. This is why it is important to not judge it. We do not allow anything in life that we judge as bad. Oh, we may participate in these “bad” things but we are always in internal conflict with them. Getting past these limited beliefs is a task for you and your coach. Challenge your beliefs that keep you from moving forward with a new perspective about anger. But while we are on that journey we can begin practicing allowing the anger. Sometimes, you gota’ fake it till you make it. =)
Anger itself is a feeling, an emotion. It IS NOT the story we weave to justify it. So first task is to get OUT of the story and just experience the anger. The most effective way I have found to do this is something called body based inquiry. Take note of how and where the anger shows up in your body. Identify it, “I am just so Friggen’ mad!!” okay… now… how does that mad feel? Like tightness, heat, cold? Where do I feel it? Does it show up in my gut, my shoulders, my head, my chest? Does it have color? Is it fiery red and hot? Is is black and cold and heavy like stone?
This process of becoming AWARE in and of itself, gets you out of the story. Once you have become very certain of how anger is presenting in your body, in your being, then notice how it feels to just sit with it. This is a pivotal point!! This is where all the magic takes place!! In this step we accomplish SO much!
1. We discover that sitting with this feeling in our body is NOT debilitating! By experiencing it and living with it we discover that daily processes of life go on! We still get thirsty, we still get up, the sun still shines or rain still rains, babies still cry and giggle, our dog still needs to be fed. All in the presence of anger. No more need to REACT in order to try to change or remove the cause of anger RIGHT NOW. No more need to end the feeling. No more need to cover it up, eat over it, drink over it, busy or distract yourself by getting high on whatever. No more need to develop a more intense story to justify it. Just let it be with you. Just wear it for a while.
2. When there is no need to REACT we are half way to responding……. I will cover this step, RESPONDING, in my third and final piece on ‘Anger’.
3. By experiencing anger in the body we allow the energy to be present, swirl around and eventually pass through. How? By allowing it to stay with you and carrying on with the tasks of life, you know, eating, sleeping, working, etc., the presence of this feeling will eventually pass! It will fade away. Go back out to sea just like a big huge wave that comes in from sea, practically knocks you over, momentarily takes your breath away, refreshes you in some ways, overwhelms you in many others and then drifts back out to sea after it has passed.
** It is essential that you resist with all your might the story! When the story comes back up, – stop and do body based inquiry immediately! Nothing like the here and now to get you out of the events of the past! Listen to the sounds around you, take three deep breaths focussing on a longer exhale, feel the ground beneath your feet. It will shift your brain away from the story.
** It is also essential that you take good care of yourself during this phase. For me this presents somewhat different each time but mostly I need to get my rest, eat right, move by body and for me…. not clutter my space with drama, anxious people. I like quiet and to be mostly alone during this phase. You will feel your way through what you need at this time. What you DO NOT need is to distract yourself with habits that do not nurture you or serve you in order to NOT FEEL the anger. Some of those things might be obsessing, eating, drinking, staying up late, spending, etc. There are many and you probably know which ones you reach for in order to not feel what you are feeling.
Give it a try! Really! I am inviting you!! It cost nothing. You have everything to gain and absolutely nothing to loose except all the baggage that judging anger and letting it get stuck brings you. Sounds pretty awesome doesn’t it? I have restored so much “life” to my life by doing this. Suddenly you are no longer run by anger. It no longer get’s in your way and no longer determines the thought process of every waking moment. It no longer causes sleepless nights or has the power to fill life with coping skills that no longer work or have negative impacts on your life. It is freedom!
Next step will be to honor the motivation for the anger. Remember from the first blog how we talked about it telling you something, something about yourself that you long for, you want or need? Next blog we will take the final step to addressing that part of you. Treating yourself with love.
Your are fantastic! Have a good time and let me know how this feels! Join me for transformation!! Join me for living while you are alive!! Embrace it all! This life is yours and yours to live! These anger producing people and situations have no more power over you than you give them! Isn’t it time to grab the wheel?
See you soon!