Reconciling With The Journey

Blogger has added a feature that allows me to post a featured blog. I often think about the day I posted the blog I am featuring, “My 40# visitor” and reference often when creating a space for the beautiful women in my life to transform. I wrote this blog sometime in March of 2015 but it seems like so much more time has passed since that process, that point in my journey.

Today, I sit here on Mother’s Day, doing what I absolutely love to do more than anything in life, connecting with people and using my blog today as the vehicle to do that. For those who know me from social networks you may know that within the last 2 months I said goodbye to the physical presence of both my Dad and my sweetest best companion, my bestest puppy Annabelle. It’s been quite a ride. The level of emotions that have come to play over these months have gifted me yet a new level of peace, self love, understanding, and lovely enough, clarity in my direction and subsequent choices. I can say that I am absolutely confident in what is and where I’m going, though I remain unaware of what each day will hold or the specifics of how this path will get me there. I have  come to trust that process completely. I hold the vision and feel it now while doing just what I can, with confidence, that I have everything I need in order to do all I can do to make that vision a reality.
Wow! Listen to me. I sound like one of those, “law of attraction” people. Ha! It both is and isn’t that for me. It is and yet not nearly, that simple.  Hmmm… we may have a paradox on our hands here.

At any rate, the most inconsequential part of this look back is that since I wrote that blog a good size chunk of that 40# visitor has left me. It served its purpose, carried it’s message, stayed long enough for me to see it, hear it, embrace it and thank it for my new understanding of me, and left. Just like that. I don’t know when, and I don’t fully know how. I do know that it was no conscious effort on my part to get rid of it, no goal of losing it week by week, nor driven by any plan of action. It just served me, I pressed in, and now it’s gone. Just like the bodies of those who have recently transformed to a new energy, so has a piece of the 40# of stored energy on my body. And also like those bodies, the ones that held the energy of my Dad and my Annabelle, that energy has not left me but remains in a different form, a form that in many ways now serves me fully in a different way. Thus is true of my fat stores. The energy of it’s purpose now serves me in a different way more fitting for today. A reminder, a part of me, something I can still access and communicate with. Yes, I talk to my fat. On or off my body. Hahaha! I talk to my fat stores and so should you.

This energy on our bodies can only be there for two reasons. It’s either there as a reserve to get you through a cold winter dwelling in a cave or a long hunting trek for your tribe to new hunting grounds. It’s likely no longer serving you for this reason. You don’t need it for that. So then it’s something else. The question remains, what is it trying to tell you? How has it been serving you? Because it has, or you wouldn’t have it. Period.

Mine was protecting me from things I no longer needed protection from, though I didn’t truly believe that yet. I was still living in the past and had not stepped fully into the reality of my Truth now. When I did, I was able to make peace with the whole shebang. And as a result, it (me) realized that while I might need to remember what I learned from my past, who and what I felt threatened by, I have now created a non-threatening reality based in what I now believe and hold to be true and value.

I like to call it freedom. Free to me in this moment right here, right now. Free to be kind. Free to allow others their path, their shit, their unpleasant emotions.  Free to be me. Free to take off masks I may still put on. Free to create a space of my own. Free to take a break. Free to draw boundaries. Free to say what needs to be said. Free. Just. Plain. Free.

Happy Mother’s Day if you’re a Mama of any kind of creature and if your Not, Happy Mother’s Day to the spirit of nurturing in you.

I love you and think your beautiful!

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